Manage Your Expectations: Part 2a

Happy Valentine’s Day beautiful Couples, Singles and Side pieces and welcome to another edition of “She Said, He Said”. We thought about tending to our personal romantical situations and leaving you without a blog post on this St. Valentine’s Day of love. However, we thought better of it. Plus the wine and sushi can wait.

A few weeks ago we introduced you to the “Manage Your Expectations” series. In Part 1, we discussed “What are your expectations?” In Part 2 of the series we talked about, “Where did your expectations come from?” Since this topic is so deep, we’re going to continue our discussion from last week. Next week, we will finish the series. So if you’ve missed anything, go back, catch up and hop up on it (Justin Timberlake voice). Now it’s time for the conclusion of “Where did your expectations come from?”

Unattractive Girl Syndrome (UGS)

On the flip side of the coin of PGS is UGS. Once again, society rears its ugly head to eff up our expectations. UGS is a by-product of low self-esteem, bullying and various other mechanisms that lead women to believe they are “ugly”. With UGS, a woman fundamentally believes that she has to engage in heaux activities and slut it up in order to get the man she wants because she is (physically) unattractive and this is the only way she will get chose. And this is dead wrong! No one should be defined or dictated by what society or others say about you; all that matters is what YOU say about you. If you are comfortable with who you are, be confident in that and prove the haters wrong each and every day! If you are not comfortable with you, work on those things you can change and embrace those things you can’t change. The key is to love you first-flaws and all-and tell society and every naysayer to kiss you’re a**! Okay, now back to the post.

A wise man once said, “Hoe problems ain’t no problem,” which is a core tenet of man law. A conversation about “hoes and hoe activities typically go like this: “Old girl is a hoe? Who cares? Is she clean though? She slept with how many? I don’t give a da*n about her body count. Can she put it down? Her nickname is the head doctor? I’ll be her patient. Send her over.” Most men live by the creed, “I want a woman who’s a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets.” What man doesn’t value a woman who can rock some heels, a black dress, make-up not done by a mortician or a clown and can handle her own at a cocktail party while giving you great sex first thing in the morning, or in the bathroom at the holiday office party? However, if you get a little too freaky in the bedroom, a little too soon in the relationship, fair or not, eyebrows are raised. Instead of enjoying the moment, old boy will be asking, “Who taught you that?” And contrary to popular belief, the correct answer isn’t “Yeezy taught me.”

Now, girls with UGS often provide men with some of their freakiest escapades. These so called outcasts, throw-aways, and thots, if you will, are willing to do it all because they believe that in order to have a fighting chance against the “beautiful women” of the world, they have to be Pixie the porn star. Unfortunately, that’s not good for you and the reality is that men both love and hate that. They love it because it gives them a story to tell. But, once they’re home alone, playing back the mental tape from the sexcapade, they begin to assume that you’ve been around more than a hoolahoop. Not a good look.

Pick of the Litter Syndrome

Now let’s be clear; while we’ve focused on women-centered issues, fellas have their shi* with them too. Let a ninja be half-way good looking, have enough singles in his pocket to make it drizzle at the strip club, a degree from The University of Phoenix, and 0 dependents, and he thinks he’s God’s gift to women. While those attributes alone don’t make him God’s gift to anybody, it’s hard to discount the fact that he’s kind of a big deal. Since men, particularly men of color, with degrees, no children, no STD’s, a job and his own spot are few and far between, being in this elite group breeds a high degree of confidence in even the most humble of men. But who can blame him? He is on record as having witnessed the eyes of women enlarge like a cartoon character when they find out what he does for a living.

So you’re a big fish in a small pond. Congratulations, the force is with you. However, herein lies the problem gentlemen. We often overplay our hands. We begin to run through women like a rat through a cheese store and are as reckless with women’s emotions as a bull in a China shop. Foul. For the men who have no desire, ever in life, to have a wife, kids, a dog, a house and a white picket fence, go forth and prosper. Strap up and relay your intentions to the women you ensnare in your trap. For the men who, at some point or another, want to have a family, you can’t do this sh*t forever. If you do, you too will wake up one day, 40 and alone with a condo full of stuff from Brookstone, a pocket full of money and no one to share it with. And the only thing you can think about is the one (2, 3, 4 or 5) that you let get away. Or, in the alternative, you wake up next to the world’s biggest, craziest bi**h, who just happens to be your wife (for better or worse), humming Ne-yo’s “Do You Ever” all day every day.

A wise man once said, “Girls are like buses. Miss one next 15 one comin’.” And many men govern their lives according to this principal. However, in doing so, some lose sight of the fact that even buses stop running as the night goes on. Being a man similarly situated as the one described in this section, makes finding a mate like fishing for catfish on a catfish farm (easy). Overfish that pond or catch and release too many and you’ll find that the prize catches you had in your younger days come fewer and farther in between in your older days. To think you can do what you’ve always done (run through chicks like a hot knife through butter) and get something you’ve never had or can keep hold of a (good woman) is insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain. In short, you can be cooler than a polar bear’s toenails and flyer than a G6, but if you want to have healthy and successful relationship you must manage your expectations.

We hope you’ve enjoyed the series so far and will come back next week for our last series installment entitled, “Now what?” Remember, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions for the blog, email us at: hesaidshesaid101@gmail.com, Follow us on Twitter at @S_HeSaidBlog or just comment directly on the blog. Until next week, don’t be a hater while drinking your juice in the hood.