New Year, New Great Sh*t

Welcome to the first Friday of 2013 and this week’s edition of She Said, He Said. First and foremost, Happy New Year. We hope everyone had a relaxing, fun-filled holiday because we surely did. However, we’re back on the grind and ready to start 2013 off right. As we all know, right around December 26th, people get all gung ho about their New Year Resolutions and start proclaiming what they will do when the clock strikes midnight on January 1st. We’ve heard them all: this year I will work out 6 days a week; this year I will stop smoking; this year Ii will stay out of jail; this year I will [fill in the blank]. Well, the problem with New Year Resolutions is that we very seldom follow them and often fall off the wagon within a week of setting such lofty goals and seemingly unrealistic expectations. For instance, if you have dropped the f-bomb at least 3 times a day for the last 7 years, what makes you think that all of a sudden you will say “ouch that hurts” when you slam your finger in the door? C’mon son, get real.

We aren’t saying that we are completely against New Year Resolutions, but we aren’t really for them either because they often crash and burn. However, the start of a new year is a great time to make a few changes, set new goals and strive for greatness, not only in your personal life but also in your romantic/relationship life. So, in the name of a new year, you should declare that there will be new great sh*t and we are here to help make that happen. Here are a few non-resolutions we think may be helpful as you press on into 2013.

1. Strive to be happy, content and at peace with yourself.
Regardless of your relationship status, there is something to be said about being happy with you. It’s 10 times harder to be happy in a relationship if you can’t find peace and contentment with who you are and where you are in life. When you are unhappy with you, it’s inevitable that you look to things and people to provide that happiness you can’t find. However, it’s not someone else’s job to make you happy. In fact, that’s a virtually impossible feat because that’s not their job. People, especially your significant other, are in your life to enhance it and add joy, happiness, laughter, companionship, great extracurricular activities and the like, not provide it. If you expect them to be your sole provider of happiness and all that it encompasses, you will never truly be happy because people fall short; no one is perfect and your significant other is sure to let you down by failing to say or do the right thing. Your relationship doesn’t need that kind of pressure and neither do you. So, do yourself and your relationship a favor and find contentment in the little things. Be happy that you woke up on the right side of the bed this morning next to the man/woman of your dreams. Be glad that the sun is shining and it’s not that cold out. Smile simply because you’re amazing and that will do wonders for you and your relationship. Trust us.

If you’re single, be happy, content and at peace with that because you’re single for a reason. Either by choice or because the last person you dealt with wasn’t the one for you. However, there’s a strong likelihood that you won’t be single for long. So, while you’re in your “single season”, enjoy you. Evaluate your previous relationships to see what you can and should do better when the next best thing comes your way. Relish in the fact that you can come and go as you please, don’t have to share your space and can party like a rockstar til 4 in the morning without being subjected to 20 questions and a mean side-eye. Hell, embrace being a heaux if that’s what you’re into, but just enjoy it. Don’t lament, don’t cry, and don’t pout. Enjoy the silver lining in being single and be okay with it because single doesn’t last forever and it definitely has its perks!

2. Leave the past in the past and let it go.
We’ve all been hurt, pissed, sad, disappointed, mad or all of the above in relationships, be it our past relationships or the one we are in now because no relationship is perfect. However, if you want to challenge our theory, please let us know because you must have some sort of magic potion and we want to be your marketing and legal team. But, assuming that you’ve been hurt at one point or another, it’s a new year so it’s time to let that hurt go; it is time to forgive, not forget, and move past it. What’s the point in shying away from love and relationships? There isn’t one. What good does it do to constantly dredge up the past and remind your significant other of the time he/she did or didn’t do something? None. Holding onto this hurt and pain does nothing more than prevent you from being open to dating and love and put a strain on your relationship because you harbor resentment and can’t let it go. So, for 2013, the goal is to let go of the pain you felt by being cheated on; let go of the disappointment you felt when your boo wasn’t as happy as you believe he/she should have been for you and let go of every negative thought that consumes you, eats away at you and puts a strain on your relationship. Starting today, we encourage you to learn from the negative experiences and govern yourself accordingly. Use them as teachable moments intended for you to grow and become a better person, not to become an angry, bitter pessimist. It will truly help and you’ll thank us later.

3. Do a new thing
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. The same date-night routine becomes boring, “Spaghetti Wednesdays” become dreadful and missionary gets old.  So add some spice to your relationship. Try salsa lessons or game night. Try a new recipe or, if cooking isn’t your thing, cooking lessons. And try sex in strange (legal) places. No one likes to do the same thing over and over and over again. Even things you used to like you grow bored with because they have lost their freshness and are now about as desirable as year old milk. There’s nothing wrong with routine and doing something you should set your clock to. So, DO NOT rearrange the house to look like a South American jungle on a whim to do something new. However, DO try the new Peruvian restaurant or spoken word night at a local club.

4. Do better
There’s always room for improvement. Even in the glamour relationships of Jay-Z and Beyonce or Brad and Angelina I’m sure if both couples were honest, they’d admit there are things that could stand to be better. We’re going to go out on a limb and say we aren’t them and could stand for some home improvements as well. We all have quirks, attributes or idiosyncracies that aren’t easy for our partner to deal with; i.e., smoking, excessively talking to yourself, or your OCD. While some habits may be harder to amend than others, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try. While your partner may have accepted your bad habit as a part of who you are, we all know they’d love you more if you stopped smoking crack or leaving your toenail clippings everywhere. Don’t try to change every quirk overnight and at the same time  or you could be creating an equally as big or greater monster (think nicotine addict trying to kick the habit cold turkey). But change is good so try fixing one thing at a time, incrementally, and see how it helps.

5. Have fun!
This may seem self-explanatory but how many of us, if we’re being honest, are stuck in a monotonous, fun-less relationship? We know times are hard and the rent is due and many of us are working more hours to pay more bills and likely aren’t seeing more money. We get it. But one of the things that makes the daily grind bearable is a good home life. Work may suck, your co-workers may annoy you and you may secretly plot your bosses accidental firing or demise. But if things are great at home, your castle, your safe haven, it makes you feel a little less like stabbing yourself with a rusty knife.

Do the things that you’ve always loved-going to the movies, museums or trying new restaurants and don’t be afraid to try new things like travelling, theme parks or making your own password-encrypted home-movies; the possibilities are endless.

We, here at the blog, never claim to be perfect, and we don’t purport to always be right or have all the answers; but, we believe that based on our experiences we’re pretty damn close. Take our advice as suggestions, not mandates, and use them as liberally or conservatively as necessary to float your boat or find your lost remote. Best of luck in 2013 and tell a friend to tell a friend about us. Happy New Year!