Happy Friday and welcome to this week’s edition of “She Said, He Said.” Last week we delved into the topic of co-habitation with your significant other. We decided to split the list in half (sort of) to give us the space to expand on each point in greater depth and detail and to prevent you from reading something akin to a novel. You’re welcome. You may have noticed that last week’s points were about getting the space and decorating it. This week’s points focus on what to do now that you have your house, condo, apartment or room in your parents’ house and have to share it with someone else. Just to recap, last week we covered points 1 and 2 which stated:
(1) Don’t move into your significant other’s space; get a space together.
(2) Be an active participant in the decorating process
Now that you’ve done these two things, what’s next? Well, we’re glad you asked:
(3) Believe in the concept of division of labor and share chores
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away men left the house, went to work and served as the primary breadwinners and when they came home, the house was clean and dinner was on the table ready for consumption. Then something happened to change all of that. We had the Industrial Revolution, World Wars I and II, the Woman’s Suffrage Movement, the Civil Rights Movement, the advent of Feminism, the Recession, Major College Conference Re-Alignment and Notre Dame (it has to partly be their fault because it always is) and the role of women changed. Women began to enter the workforce in large numbers and they went from being housewives to working wives and from stay-at-home moms to working moms. While this has been great for women, most men think this seismic shift is a tragedy. However, it’s a grim reality men need to come to grips with.
The reality is that in most homes with two able-bodied adults, both people work. Additionally, the increase of women in both the workplace and corporate America means that she isn’t just working teacher’s hours or doing shift work that allows her to get off between the hours of 3:00pm and 5:00pm. Instead, more women are performing jobs that require long hours, involve immense amounts of travel and may be just as demanding, if not more, than the guy’s. So sadly, she may not have time to cook, clean, wash the dishes, put in 5 loads of laundry, and take care of the kids after working a 10-12 hour day. What’s a man to do?
A man has got to pitch in, do his part and hope he can at least get some happy endings for sharing the load. Seriously speaking, since both parties eat, sleep, and live in this residence, it’s in the best interests of both parties to make sure the place doesn’t end up on an episode of hoarders or end up being condemned. However you decide to divvy up the chores is between you and your mate, but division of labor is something that must be done in order to keep the peace and a clean house. So guys, you need to step it up. However, as a caveat to women, She says, “A man’s willingness to step up does not mean you can fall back. More specifically, don’t stop cooking, cleaning or doing your part in the relationship just because you have help because that’s not cool.”
As a final note, there are no jobs or household chores that are inherently more womanly/manly than others. As such, it is okay not to conform to stereotypical gender roles when choosing your chores. It’s perfectly fine for men to dust and women to fix toilets, if that’s your thing. However, you must know your partners strengths and weaknesses and divide the tasks accordingly. If your boyfriend is colorblind, perhaps it’s in the best interests of you and your expensive undergarments for him not to be assigned the laundry. If your girlfriend is about as good a cook as Shaq is at shooting free throws, perhaps you should do the cooking or order more carryout. In the absence of a glaring weakness towards one chore or another, evenly divide them and rotate so no one always gets stuck doing the chore(s) they absolutely hate each and every time.
(4) Compromise with TV time
In some homes, TV time can be the precursor to Wrestle Mania, it’s just that bad. She wants to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians and he wants to watch Dexter so there is a standoff and the last person standing gets to control the television; this is never a good situation. Unfortunately, many people face this nightly dilemma because in an effort to save money, quite a few of our friends either don’t have TVs or don’t have one in every room. While this may be good for preserving your pockets and the planet, it could be bad for your health, safety and hospital bill.
No person needs to watch TV all day, every day. No one. Therefore, it is imperative that neither party dominate the remote during the primetime lineup. Unless, of course, you find yourself in some sort of utopian relationship where you two happen to like all the same shows and the matter of who holds the remote is just a formality. However, this is a highly unlikely situation so it’s more likely that he’ll want to watch one set of shows and she’ll want to watch another at the same da*n time. But if you only have one TV, what to do? You share AND you buy a DVR or a Netflix subscription, then you pray that you don’t fight over who is taking up more space on the DVR.
Technology is one of the best things that ever happened to relationships. In this particular instance, the addition of a DVR or a subscription to HULU or Netflix helps resolve the issue of one person being able to watch his/her favorite show to the detriment of his/her partner. You get to watch one and record the other so you can watch it later. In fact, some television subscription services even allow you to watch the show the same day it comes out on your laptop or tablet, making it a truly worthwhile investment. Once you take full advantage of all the greatness that is technology, the only decision you’re left to make is who gets to watch what show first and who is forced to wait. Well that’s a decision best left for you and your partner to decide because we can’t fix everything.
(5) Never forget the importance of alone time for you and your boo
Alone time…does this really exist when you’re sharing space with your significant other? Yes it should and yes it does. The only person you should spend every waking moment with is God and, if we’re honest, many of us ditch him far too much. The point we are trying to make is that it’s irrational and kind of creepy to spend every single moment of every single day with your partner. People need alone time and should have that alone time to think and just be, and that alone time should include more minutes than those used during showers and meetings with the porcelain throne. We are speaking of real, significant alone time that can be spent on reading, playing video games, writing, exercising, or whatever it is that men do when their woman cannot stand to be with them another second.
It’s important for people to remember that when you enter into a relationship, you are an individual. And in the sad event that your relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll still be an individual. So, don’t lose that individuality just because you become someone’s significant other. Plus, couples who do EVERYTHING together and can’t stand to be separated for more than a couple of minutes in public are just weird and kinda gross (yes, we’re judging). It’s like watching a snake swallow its prey-you hate to watch it, but you have to watch because you want to know how the process works.
So don’t be gross. Instead, maintain your individuality and continue to do the things you enjoyed doing prior to entering into the relationship, unless those things were hunting down murderers or putting bricks in the hood. If not, continue to do you. Having interests outside of your partner allows you to continue to be you and have something to talk about. It also keeps the relationship interesting because distance and separation are really a good thing, in moderation. If you do everything together what is there to share or talk about?
In conclusion, living with your significant other can be challenging, daunting and outright scary. Even “relationship experts” have problems living with the ones they love. Putting two people in the same place and asking them to coexist in harmony is a tall task but it isn’t impossible. It takes a lot of work and commitment from both partners for the shared spaces experiment to truly work. It’ll be what you what you make it. Good luck!
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