Happy Friday! Now that the work week is over on to the fun stuff, the latest edition of “She Said, He Said.” Yay! Hooray beer! Again, thank you to all who have been avid readers from day one and welcome to the newbies. Today’s topic is about co-habitation with your significant other. Since the beginning of time, one of the hardest things to do is to live with someone else. He’s one of five, comes from a big family and is used to sharing everything because he has lived with someone each and every year of his life while she’s an only child who is accustomed to having her own space and doing things her way, without the input of others. Yet, both of us have often had trouble allowing others into our respective personal spaces. Sound familiar?
As humans, no matter how loving, giving, caring, compassionate, selfless (or any other term you’d like to use for nice) we are, at some point or another we all want to be alone, focus on self and do things “my” way. Blame it on DNA, blame it on code red/Aunt Flo, blame it on the boogie, or whatever you decide to attribute it to-that is on you. But the fact of the matter is that alone time is a premium that everyone wants and needs; plus, living alone would make so many things so much easier. However, despite this clear and convincing evidence that everyone needs his or her own personal space, we still decide to cohabitate with the person we love. This is partly because society frowns upon married people living apart and partly because, if we’re being honest, the goodies are much easier to get when you share the same bed with your love interest. So, it appears that cohabitation is a necessary evil. Now that we know how we got here, we now have to figure out how to make this co-habitation experience work.
As previously stated, the clear way to avoid the pain and agony that accompanies living with someone else is to get a decked out bachelor/bachelorette pad, a dog and just live alone. Great! Problem solved. However, if you’re married, engaged, homeless or just so in love with your mate that you’re willing to endure something that at times may feel like self-inflicted torture, here are a few suggestions that may help ease the pain. Rather than make a long numerical list, we decided to split this post into 2 parts so that we could narrow it down to a handful of points and expand on those. This week we’re covering points 1 and 2 and next week we’ll cover points 3-5.
(1) Don’t move into your significant other’s space; get a space together.
We’re all selfish, to some degree or another, and a lot of times (especially during arguments) one person will say something like “get you’re a** out of my bed and out of my house” or “don’t leave mouthwash residue in my sink.” Clearly, there is a feeling of personal invasion on the part of the person who originally possessed the space prior to his/her significant other’s arrival. The problem with this mindset is that when you move in with someone, most of what used to be yours now partly belongs to the other person (conceptually that is, not legally). So, in light of the fact that the couch, lamp or closet space has been yours and yours alone forever, by default, you use the pronoun “my” instead of “our” and completely offend your significant other. Not only do you piss him/her off, you also make him/her feel unwanted and that’s never a good thing. No person ever wants to feel as though he/she is unwanted, unwelcomed and infringing upon your space because that feeling sucks. Therefore, if you have been known to engage in this type of offensive behavior a time or five, don’t worry because this is a common mistake many couples make. However, for future reference, in order to help you avoid this issue, once you’ve decided to move in with your partner you should find a place together. That way, neither party can claim the entire space as his/her own, neither party can make his/her significant other feel like a space invader and it surely prevents you from wondering how many girls/guys have played strip poker and done other inappropriate things with your mate in the living room.
(2) Be an active participant in the decorating process
Once you’ve decided on a mutually agreed upon living space, you then have to decorate it. Guys, we know what you’re thinking “I don’t care what it looks like so long as it’s clean, comfortable and doesn’t look like the inside of a Martha Stewart catalog.” But trust us, you do care.” For most guys, living alone affords them a certain sense of freedom they can’t have with their partners. Let’s face it, most bachelor pads look exactly the same: leather couches, big flat screen TVs, movie posters, a wall full of DVDs that must include Scarface and The Godfather, and gaming systems that allow you to shoot and kill animated terrorists. However, the important items missing from this equation are a dining room table, coasters, a coffee table, real plates, bed skirts, wall art that doesn’t come from a gangster movie and other stuff that never crossed your mind because it doesn’t seem important. But, this is one of the reasons you need to cohabitate because, trust us, your female counterpart will notice, care and immediately begin redecorating the space in her head. But, fellas listen closely: in order to avoid having your place look like something out of Home Goods or Crate & Barrel, participate in the decoration process. No one expects you to be the David Tutera (think Bill Belichick of weddings) of home décor, but if you want any piece of furniture you can actually put your feet on and don’t want anything that you stare at for hours wondering what the hell it is, then at the very least look in the catalogues and go to the store with her so that you can say “yay” or “nay” a couple of times when asked for your opinion. And guys, another key reason you should participate in the decoration process is because you will be sorely disappointed when you come home to a house full of décor you don’t like and a receipt that has you wondering how she could have possibly spent so much money…and on what? So, just get involved so everyone can agree on the look of “our place”.
Now that we’ve figured out how to get to and through the first steps of co-habitation, we will next need to figure out how in the hell we make this “shacking up” thing work. So, hopefully you’ve learned lots today, or at least enough to get you started and have you ready for next week’s part deux. Enjoy your weekend and see you next week!
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