The Dating Game

The Dating Game

Happy Friday good people and welcome to another edition of “She Said, He Said.” Now that you’ve had a full week and a half under your belt in the new year it’s time to get down to business and quit the “holiday bullshi**ing.” You know exactly who you are and YES, we’re talking to you because if we’ve gotta do it, you’ve gotta do it too! Today’s blog post is the first installment in a series addressing the concept of dating. In light of some recent twitter conversations, we’ve decided that it’s about high time we address the intricacies involved in playing “the dating game”. It’s no secret that dating is complicated and involves a lot of stuff. There’s first date etiquette, exclusivity issues, haters, sex, drugs and rock and roll. Heavy…we know. But fear not young grasshoppers! Due to our undying love for you, and our years of experience in the game, we’re here to help you work through it.

As with most things in life, there are rules to dating; we call it dating etiquette. For those of you on either end of the dating spectrum (never really dated or dated lots of folks), you may feel that the rules suck, that they are unnecessary and that it is better to just date and see what happens. My, my, my how naïve you are. The rest of us who know better quickly came to realize, understand and accept the fact that unless your desire to change the rules is matched by the similar desire of your dating partner, you’re getting played. It’s like playing flag football when your partner thinks you’re playing tackle. Someone’s going to get hurt and it’s likely to be you. As such, it’s better to just play by the universal dating rules rather than attempting to be a revolutionary because, as you learned in American History, most of them died.

So, as you wrap your mind around embracing these rules, we will take you on a step-by-step tour of the wonderful world of dating from beginning to end. Again, we’re no experts but since we’ve done this a time or 20, we may be able to save you from breaking anything from the bank to a heart. So, from the beginning...

First Dates

First dates are like job interviews. The key is to make a good impression so you can put yourself in the best position possible to get a call back. So, for starters, if you are genuinely interested in this person and want to explore where the situation goes, you’ve got to play it cool. That means you should shy away from conversations about your views on women being pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen or your burning desire to be married in 6 months. You should also shy away from doing the most-nothing is worse than being on a date with a person who tries too hard-your date will see right through you, you’ll look crazy and this will be your first and last date with this person. We guarantee that if you make a bad impression, you, the date and any post-date attempts at flattery or a second date will be fodder for all of Twitter/Facebook nation. Is that what you want? We think not.

Inevitably, some dates will work out and some will be utter and complete epic fails because dating is a crap shoot. However, in order to have your best chance at success, do what you know and be cool-remember your manners, keep the conversation light, ensure that you aren’t dominating the conversation, attempt to be non-judgmental and just go with the flow. If you try to be too open, you will scare your date into thinking you have diarrhea of the mouth and if you’re not open enough, you will surely come off as though you have something to hide, neither of which is a good look. So, in the words of Guy (for all my 80’s babies), “Just Chill!”

Before we move to the next stop on the dating game tour, there are a few other concepts and ridiculous myths we must address and dispel:

1        Clothing/Attire: to keep it 100, a first date is not the night to dress like you’re going to make a McDonald’s run at midnight or like you’re headed to go work your hours on the heaux stroll. The look you should be going for is what we call conservatively sexy. Women-it’s okay to cover your body parts and leave something to the imagination. The key is to accentuate your curves, throw on a little lip gloss and eyeshadow, make sure your hair is neat and give him just enough to make him want more--that’s conservatively sexy. You can hardly be upset if you’re spilling out of your top and he’s paying more attention to the twins than to the conversation when you put them on full display; think about it.

Men-please replace the sneakers with some “hard bottoms” and make use of that blazer/sport coat you use for interviews and nice dinners. Make sure you’ve showered and shaved, clean the dirt from under your nails and don’t look sloppy. Please save the “just left the gym” look for when you’re going to the gym. Women love nothing more than a man who cleans up nicely, looks good and smells good because they are so few and far between.

2        Dating Activities: the possibilities are endless when it comes to what you can do on a first date (or any date for that matter). Some ideas that immediately come to mind are going to breakfast/lunch/dinner, cooking and inviting the person over to eat, having drinks at a bar/lounge, ice skating, bowling, or miniature golf. Again, you can do just about anything. However, please note, movies are NOT an option. Although going to the movies has been a popular date option since the beginning of time, it’s not a good option for first dates because it doesn’t allow you to talk and get to know your date. Unless it involves dinner afterwards or you’re watching a movie at your place, which may send the wrong idea if this is your first suggestion, save it for a subsequent date. Once you decide on a date option, we suggest that prior to finalizing your date plans, make sure that the other person enjoys the activity. It would be a tragedy for you to schedule this great day at Six Flags when your date hates all things roller coasters and amusement parks. Find something that will be enjoyable to you both that will enable you to get to know more about each other and that won’t break the bank.

3        Covering the Bill: speaking of not breaking the bank, let’s spend a few minutes on who pays the bill and how much said bill should cost. For starters, in the name of chivalry, the man should cover the bill. Call it customary, call it a societal construct, or call it stupid, but it is what it is. If, by some chance, this is just completely incomprehensible you split the bill and go Dutch (so ladies, bring cash). However, a woman should NEVER be expected to pay the entire bill on the first date. You may disagree but that’s the funny thing about those rules, you may not like them but they do exist. As an aside, if you’d like to see any woman again, you may not want to go Dutch, we’re just saying. Even Oprah likes to have Steadman foot the bill from time to time.

One other thing about the bill, there has been a lot of twitter talk about women expecting a first date to cost at least $200. Woman to woman--ladies, get real. There is no earthly reason why any first date should cost $200. There isn’t enough dinner in the world to justify anyone spending $200 on a person who may not make it past the first hour. Some people completely disagree with any date costing $200 while others have justified it by stating that a $200 first date requires the immediate putting out of sexual goods. Regardless of what side of the spectrum you fall on in this argument, I personally don’t think anybody or any goods are worth that much money in your quest to get to know someone, and I’m a woman. Any who, we are convinced that this expectation is crazy and if you disagree, you may need to seek professional help or start looking for dates in the “Ballers” section of the Classifieds.

While there is no set price range for first dates, $200 is ridiculous. On the other hand, believing that you can take your date to Burger King so he/she can “have it their way” is just as ridiculous. There is a happy medium and you need to find it, within your financial means. We estimate that the first date cost will range between $25 and $80 depending on what you choose to do. Bowling and bowling alley food may run you about $30 while dinner and drinks at Cheesecake may be $75. The key is to have fun and ball on a budget, within your means.

4        Sex: so, your first date went much better than you expected. You guys laughed, joked, ate, drank, and had the time of your lives. The date went so well you’ve decided you wanna get down on the first night. Hmm, what to do what to do?

Guess you will have to wait and see. Come back next week to see how we handle sex, lies and videotapes in this thing we call the dating game.