Happy Friday and welcome to the final installment of the
“She Said, He Said” mini-series entitled, “The Dating Game”. To date, we’ve
covered the intricacies of the first date, the concept of “catfishing” and the
need for dating/relationship transparency, and the great world of sex. So,
you’re probably thinking, what more is there to talk about? A lot! The reality
is that dating must have an end-game. At some point, your dating situation
either fails or it continues to strengthen, grow and become more than just
dating. The vast majority of us have dated people who just didn’t work out
because of bad sex, crazy and psychotic behavior, lack of attraction, lack of
intelligence, divergent life paths or any other number of reasons. However, the
situation clearly wasn’t meant to be so we stopped dating these people. By the
same token, we’ve also dated people with whom we ultimately engaged in
meaningful relationships because we wanted to explore where it would go, we
fell in love, we found our perfect person or we just got tired of running the
streets.
Regardless of the reason, when dating, you ultimately
have to sh*t or get off the pot and decide whether to move on or to keep the
good thing going. Assuming that you are
interested in keeping the good thing going, we’re going to take you through the
final few stages of the dating game so you don’t mess this up. Don’t worry, you
can thank us later.
Monogamy
Most men believe monogamy to be “an old, old wooden ship that was used in the Civil War era.” That, gentlemen, is incorrect. Monogamy occurs when two people decide they only want to date, screw and share a shower (unless one or both is an athlete) with each other. If you’ve gotten to the point where this is even an option, congratulations you’ve made it to the “Big Leagues.” But don’t take this position lightly. What you do here could have longstanding ramifications on your life and the lives of others. Think the Butterfly Effect without Ashton Kutcher and the creepiness of the movie.
For men and women, monogamy is a big step and you shouldn’t let anyone, not your priest, therapist, significant other or mother pressure you into taking the “monogamy plunge” before you are 100% ready. That means 100% ready to put away your heauxish ways, 100% ready to cut-off all the jumpoffs, 100% ready to publicly claim your significant other, and 100% ready to be committed to making the relationship work in word, thought, and deed.
Most men believe monogamy to be “an old, old wooden ship that was used in the Civil War era.” That, gentlemen, is incorrect. Monogamy occurs when two people decide they only want to date, screw and share a shower (unless one or both is an athlete) with each other. If you’ve gotten to the point where this is even an option, congratulations you’ve made it to the “Big Leagues.” But don’t take this position lightly. What you do here could have longstanding ramifications on your life and the lives of others. Think the Butterfly Effect without Ashton Kutcher and the creepiness of the movie.
For men and women, monogamy is a big step and you shouldn’t let anyone, not your priest, therapist, significant other or mother pressure you into taking the “monogamy plunge” before you are 100% ready. That means 100% ready to put away your heauxish ways, 100% ready to cut-off all the jumpoffs, 100% ready to publicly claim your significant other, and 100% ready to be committed to making the relationship work in word, thought, and deed.
Once you decide you are going to be
monogamous, things change. For instance, if you decide that part of your
monogamy move involves living with your significant other, if you prematurely shack
up with your partner, it could feel like fire and brimstone are raining down on
your life if you don’t have your mind right. Gentlemen, it’s no longer okay to
only clean the house when it smells or when company is coming over and you can
no longer only go to the grocery store once you’ve finished the last beer. You have also got to stop leaving the toilet
seat up because that’s not okay. In the same vein ladies, once you decide it’s
all about “Man X”, you have to change some of your ways. Yes, you will have to
cook a real meal; no, you cannot leave your feminine products lying around the
bathroom; and no, you cannot monopolize the DVR by recording every single show
on VH1 and Bravo. The moral of the
story, ladies and gents, is that you must adjust and share because you’re not
single anymore. That’s one of the quintessential tenets of monogamy.
Yes, we know that after what we just said, monogamy seems like a cross between hell and prison, but it’s really not that bad. So, if you’re still interested in being monogamous, the million dollar question is: when is monogamy warranted? We’re glad you asked. Monogamy is warranted when you’re tired of dating every Tom, Dick, Malik, Juan, Mary, Lisa, Bonisha, or Isabella and you’re ready to just be with one person. Monogamy is warranted when you’re ready to deal with the fact that if your partner pisses you off, you have to work it out because you have no one to run to. Monogamy is warranted when you’re ready to deal with the prospects of spending the next 18 years to life with this person in the event a child should result from your unholy union. Monogamy is warranted when you feel like you’ve found your perfect person.
Until you reach that point, play on playa. There’s nothing worse than getting into a relationship out of boredom or just for the sake of being in a relationship. Actually, this is bad on all fronts because you aren’t invested in the relationship, you are sure to cheat, and you may bring out the crazy in your significant other because you have toyed with his/her emotions. So again, if you aren’t ready to go balls to the wall with someone, keep it pimpin partna. However, do not be selfish. If you’re going to play, give your partner(s) full knowledge, or some semblance of full knowledge, about what you’re doing. In other words, don’t be out here running the streets while you have someone thinking y’all are two steps away from the altar. That’s not cool and it may get you cut, shot, or otherwise physically injured. Just be honest. But, as a disclaimer, we can’t promise that your honesty will eliminate the likelihood that you’ll get cut. We can say, however, that it will drastically lower the chances.
Yes, we know that after what we just said, monogamy seems like a cross between hell and prison, but it’s really not that bad. So, if you’re still interested in being monogamous, the million dollar question is: when is monogamy warranted? We’re glad you asked. Monogamy is warranted when you’re tired of dating every Tom, Dick, Malik, Juan, Mary, Lisa, Bonisha, or Isabella and you’re ready to just be with one person. Monogamy is warranted when you’re ready to deal with the fact that if your partner pisses you off, you have to work it out because you have no one to run to. Monogamy is warranted when you’re ready to deal with the prospects of spending the next 18 years to life with this person in the event a child should result from your unholy union. Monogamy is warranted when you feel like you’ve found your perfect person.
Until you reach that point, play on playa. There’s nothing worse than getting into a relationship out of boredom or just for the sake of being in a relationship. Actually, this is bad on all fronts because you aren’t invested in the relationship, you are sure to cheat, and you may bring out the crazy in your significant other because you have toyed with his/her emotions. So again, if you aren’t ready to go balls to the wall with someone, keep it pimpin partna. However, do not be selfish. If you’re going to play, give your partner(s) full knowledge, or some semblance of full knowledge, about what you’re doing. In other words, don’t be out here running the streets while you have someone thinking y’all are two steps away from the altar. That’s not cool and it may get you cut, shot, or otherwise physically injured. Just be honest. But, as a disclaimer, we can’t promise that your honesty will eliminate the likelihood that you’ll get cut. We can say, however, that it will drastically lower the chances.
Meet The Family & Friends
After becoming a couple, there will come a
point where you and your significant other will need to meet each other’s
family and friends. Only you two will know the right time for these
introductions, but there are some salient take home points you should know.
One, please don’t bring your boo home to your folks too early in the
relationship because you may scare them off. Meeting the family is a huge step
and you don’t want it to occur before you know whether this relationship really
has potential. A premature meeting may instill fear in the heart of your
significant other because he/she may think the relationship’s moving too fast
or that your family is crazy and needs to be committed. Neither of these are
good options. So, talk it through as a couple and decide (together) the best
time to meet the folks.
With regard to meeting the crew, it’s a
little easier to meet friends because they are usually less judgmental and
always around. However, please remember that you are trying to impress his/her
friends so act accordingly. On your first meeting, don’t get so drunk that you
throw up in the best friend’s car or cuss out another friend just because.
Also, don’t be so standoffish and quiet that they think you are an utter and
complete jerk, bi**h or douchebag. There is a happy medium so find it.
At the end of the day, the goal is to be
liked and respected by your significant other’s inner circle, especially if you
plan on keeping them around. While there are many relationships that continue
in spite of a family’s disdain for the significant other, it creates extremely
tense and unhealthy situations that no one wants to deal with. For instance, what
girl wants to spend holidays with her boyfriend’s family when Aunt Cathy keeps
referring to her as “that trick with Billy”? Or, what guy wants to be forced to
eat dinner with his girl’s ex-boyfriend every Sunday because her parents invite
the ex in hopes that she will “see the light and dump the loser”? Nobody. No
one wants to be in an awkward and uncomfortable situation. So the moral of the
story kiddies: find someone your family and friends like and always put your
best foot forward when trying to get them to like you.
Meet Me At the Alter
Once you’ve gone on your first date,
continued dating, engaged in sex to ensure that you are comfortable sleeping
with this person for the rest of your life, entered into the monogamy zone,
introduced him/her to the family and friends, received approval from the family
and friends and realize that none of this has scared your significant other
away, the only thing left to do is tie the knot. Again, marriage is not
something that should be entered into lightly or prematurely. When you propose,
you need to be 100% certain that you are committed to spending the rest of you
living days on Earth with this person. It may take you 5 months or 5 years to
make that determination, but just make sure you’re ready when you take the
plunge.
As you begin or continue to traverse the
rocky and windy road that is the dating game, we wish you luck and much
success. We hope that our tips have been helpful and will see you through on
your journey. And above all else, enjoy the ride!
